Art is the most beautiful thing created by men. Only in art you can be dissolved, only in it you can find or lose yourself. Art can save or destroy…
Surrealism is a modernist trend, which was created after the First World War in France ... 20-ies. Its creators - young artists, poets saw surrealism as a way of understanding the subconscious, supernatural. The founder and ideologist of the direction, Andre Breton said that surrealism is "pure psychic automatism, which aims to express, either orally or in writing or otherwise, the actual functioning of thought. Dictation of thought without any control by reason, outside of any aesthetic of or moral considerations. "
This is not just creating a new style in art, but the desire to escape from the chaos that is happening in these years, trying to find something "irrational and unconscious," that will rule the world .... ever ...
Yes, surrealists were dreamers, explorers and adventurers of their soul, their egos.
Breaking all the shelves and drawers of my memory, I decided to take the example of Salvador Dali. Originally, I intended to write about Russian Surrealism and most beloved artists, but my love, I would say the passion for anything Spanish prevailed! Salvador, my genius ))).... not quite in the topic, but I have a picture with a wax figure of Dali, I must say, we look not bad together.
Surrealism, as the direction, appeared behind Dadaism, which was based on "anti-artistic", spontaneity, audacity and other follies. Dadaist exhibitions were full of continuous chaos and madness. Their philosophy – incident. They would never have planned. Want to paint a picture, well, take a bunch of different colors, with a brush throw the whole thing on the canvas and, voila, a masterpiece is ready! Dali really liked the concept of the Dadaists, but it lacked something deep, large and warm, short of "I". As mentioned earlier, surrealism is a triumph of "unconscious" as well as paint a picture without knowing what you're doing .... very simple, we just have to get away from reality ... with the help of hypnosis, for example. The simplest technique is the observation of the flames, or the contemplation of the clouds drifting across the sky.
Sometimes they were going to "play", but there were games in which they cut off the mind and all logical connections in order to cause the abyss, which is stored in each of us, that wonderful chaos that fills our entire being.
Salvador Dali was a genius, a creator of beauty and wonder, his life was subordinated to the principles of surreal, even before Surrealism emerged as a trend
"Normality puts me in a blind alley" – claimed, and he was sincere here.
Surrealists to the bone, he moved the "will to power", declared unfettered free from any aesthetic or moral coercion. Stated that you can go all the way to the most extreme, extreme limit, in any creative experiment, without worrying about any consistency or continuity.
Did not these principles should guide us, living our wonderful life on this wonderful planet? What lies on the surface, most hidden ... I do not know whether this up, or be heard, but I think it is true the truth of being.
Like every artist, even if not quite ordinary )))), Dali had a few stages in creation, which he himself described as: Planetary Dali, Dali, Molecular, Dali-monarchic, Dali-hallucinogenic, Dali future.
His love for Gala, his wife was so overwhelming and clear, he said: "The most important thing in the world - Gala and Dali. Then there is a Dali. And in third place - all the rest, of course, including the two of us."
For surrealism in the form in which it professed Dali, no politics, no private life, no aesthetics, no stories, no technology and nothing else. There is only a surrealistic creativity, which turns into something new all the things to which it touches.
Salvador Dali wrote "10 Commandments for someone who is going to become an artist, I think, these commandments can be applied to everyday life, transforming a little bit, of course)))
1. The artist prefers to be rich, not poor, so learn to do so, to brush your bare gold and precious stones.
2. Do not be afraid of perfection - you will never attain!
3. First, learn to draw and paint like the old masters, then you can do what you want - everyone will respect you.
4. Do not relinquish their own vision, their manners and their perceptions: they'll come in handy if you become an artist.
5. If you're one of those who think contemporary art surpassed Vermeer and Raphael, put this book down and remained in blissful idiocy.
6. Do not spit on his own paintings - she will spit on you when you die.
7. A masterpiece and idleness are incompatible!
8. Painter, write!
9. The painter, do not take alcohol into his mouth and do not smoke cannabis more than five times in life.
10. If the painting does not love you, all your love for her will not change anything.
Surrealism in reality there is no trend in the art, namely the type of thinking, way of interacting with the world. When a reporter asked, Salvador Dali, what is surrealism, the artist replied: "Surrealism - it is I," and with good reason.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Me)
I live with so many challenges everyday that most can’t see....I find out things sometimes that are best left unknown...I can’t speak of the ones I love to others to protect them the most. I miss so many things and so many people at various different times for various different reasons. I don’t always make the brightest decisions but those who truly know me know that I am a good person with an honest heart that sometimes falls and yes, can hurt others. I have paid dearly for my mistakes by loosing so many things including you, but those are things I never wanted to loose the ones who meant the most. Now the only real reason I choose to acknowledge it is because of you. I don’t need gifts or babbles I don’t really care I have the things in life I need.
I don’t feel safe and I don’t feel secure, I guess I never did. By being me means you carry with more worries then one can generally handle, I worry about more than I need to, I take on battles that I shouldn’t have to only to help those that really need it. When then does it come to a point where enough is enough, I have reached enough. I have come to the end of a long road I don’t care to go on again. I found truths that hurt so deep that an average person would use them as an excuse. Being alone is simple, being secluded is easier but in no way the right way to live. My decisions will come my path is changing tomorrow is harder to face then yesterday, now is harder to understand then an hour ago. I can’t rest and I cant be peaceful, some say just let it all go and it will find its way those people don’t know me and don’t know what I have to loose if I trip. I guess babbling doesn’t get you anywhere right, yes I’m sure it will all turn out alright. I just don’t have that faith that helps me usually. Right now is just not a good time. Not anymore and maybe never again.
I don’t feel safe and I don’t feel secure, I guess I never did. By being me means you carry with more worries then one can generally handle, I worry about more than I need to, I take on battles that I shouldn’t have to only to help those that really need it. When then does it come to a point where enough is enough, I have reached enough. I have come to the end of a long road I don’t care to go on again. I found truths that hurt so deep that an average person would use them as an excuse. Being alone is simple, being secluded is easier but in no way the right way to live. My decisions will come my path is changing tomorrow is harder to face then yesterday, now is harder to understand then an hour ago. I can’t rest and I cant be peaceful, some say just let it all go and it will find its way those people don’t know me and don’t know what I have to loose if I trip. I guess babbling doesn’t get you anywhere right, yes I’m sure it will all turn out alright. I just don’t have that faith that helps me usually. Right now is just not a good time. Not anymore and maybe never again.
Monday, June 7, 2010
Friend
Unexpected help is a miracle that often comes just in time to prevent or help to deal with a disaster or a foolish move. Such help can come from a variety of sources-from friends, family, or even strangers. Have you ever heard about unfortunate people, who get in to trouble every time they go to vacation or just friend's party. Can you imagine that those people can save your life, risking their own?
I have a friend, she is terrific woman, smart and positive, the main characteristics to live happily ever after. All would be Okay if she didn't have behavior to got in to troubles, disasters or another 'pleasures'.
This year she came to vacation to visit her entire family in another country, Chilli. I would rather say "The long way home and back". It was pretty long time ago since the last earthquake was there, so nobody thought about it at all. It supposed to be a 2-3 week vacation, happy summer time. It have been like that for a few days, but after the first earthquake everything changed.
It is interesting how much energy and courage one little girl can hold in her heart. She gathered all her strength and literary saved her relative's lifes!
After the first earthquake, as she told me, there was no way to go anywhere, because all roads were covered by thick slice of water and it was scary too. But, for instance, it haven't bother her so she went to her relatives in the middle of disaster, it took several hours to get there, but she did it with such a courage! Her relatives were so happy that she came and brought pamper, water, and other snacks to overcome an Earthquake.
For her this was a disaster, time for doing something, time for help somebody. For her relatives it was a disaster, but with a super-hero, who saved every body, risking her life.
I have a friend, she is terrific woman, smart and positive, the main characteristics to live happily ever after. All would be Okay if she didn't have behavior to got in to troubles, disasters or another 'pleasures'.
This year she came to vacation to visit her entire family in another country, Chilli. I would rather say "The long way home and back". It was pretty long time ago since the last earthquake was there, so nobody thought about it at all. It supposed to be a 2-3 week vacation, happy summer time. It have been like that for a few days, but after the first earthquake everything changed.
It is interesting how much energy and courage one little girl can hold in her heart. She gathered all her strength and literary saved her relative's lifes!
After the first earthquake, as she told me, there was no way to go anywhere, because all roads were covered by thick slice of water and it was scary too. But, for instance, it haven't bother her so she went to her relatives in the middle of disaster, it took several hours to get there, but she did it with such a courage! Her relatives were so happy that she came and brought pamper, water, and other snacks to overcome an Earthquake.
For her this was a disaster, time for doing something, time for help somebody. For her relatives it was a disaster, but with a super-hero, who saved every body, risking her life.
Saturday, June 5, 2010
State of mind
You know that place where bottled up emotion meets that glass of wine.....I am so there. ok, but seriously, I have been ignoring several emotions and I think its eating at me and if I don’t get it out somehow I might explode eventually. I feel like the majority of the time I will be alright and actually be a much better person after all this is over. this being the shit storm I call my life right now. I believe in order to move forward I must look backwards and then leave it in the past. I will never get anywhere if I keep hanging on to all of this. so this is my attempt to figure out where and what I want my life to be.
When you first fall in love, its all perfect. that is true. u are unable to see past all the red flags thrown your way early on because 1. you don’t want to be believe it and 2. love is fucking blind as hell. Towards the end- now looking back on the past 2 years, all the signs were there. we were dwindling down to nothing but people who existed together. I was never short on my love however, the wear and tear of the relationship on my heart, mind and body became too much. no more living in this safe environment.
Its weird to think how two people can be so right for each other right off the bat, and allot of "oh I would never be like that" or "I would never do that to you" become daily activities towards the end. its all the things you swore you wouldn’t become, and yet you still do. Lesson learned: If its too good to be true....it probably is. I realize its going to take a very strong person to even attempt to be my other half. As of right now, I am just trying to make myself feel whole again first. This mending and healing crap really takes a toll on your mental state but I think I am doing ok, given the circumstances.
lack of interest in each others interests, at first it seemed like we liked all the same things and enjoyed the majority of the same activities.....but like I said, if it seems too good to be true, it is. Its weird now looking back at how far apart we grew while we were together, something I never noticed until I was forced to look it.
And this whole rollercoaster relationship business......never again. if its over, its over. there’s no sense in going back and trying to make it work a 2nd, 3rd, or 76th time. chances are, if it didn’t work once....it probably wont work again.
Why is it so hard to believe that people can be happy with each other all of their lives? why is it so hard to actually still enjoy the company of a person after several years together? how hard is it to suck up your pride and say how sorry you are once in a while? true love exists. I am witness. I have set my standards, I will not settle for anything short of spectacular. in the words of Bridget Jones "I am still looking for something more extraordinary then that". and its true, don’t settle for less....life is too short to not be happy with the person you chose to take along life’s road. (Hey, all this saved up words of wisdom from other people are really making sense now.)
The dating world scares the crap out of me. I don’t think ill be very good at it, nor am I looking to try. I have decided to put myself first. That's why just close encounters or hit and run.
Everyone has to start over sometime, some sooner then they expected. I think God is looking out for all of our best interests, and I just have to trust him on this one.
This is all so sad, and tears are soon to follow as I read this again. I need to write some of this out and remind myself that I am going to be ok. eventually. I am alone in a city where I don't want to be most of the time and I am scared to stay alone but I’m doing it. but maybe its what I needed. - like true people who start over do- and doing exactly that. starting over.
As sad/mad/angry/confused as I am now......the majority of my relationship was filled with a lot of love and laughter (I am big on laughing). Its going to be hard to get over this. but I will. so I still have a lot of life to live. And as soon as I can take this band-aid off my heart, ill be good to go.
its like what my mom says after I puke and want water (the one thing u SHOULD NOT have right after u puke) and she wont give it to me, when she gives in she says, "baby sips!" when all I want to do is just gulp it down - its just like that.....a little more graphic then I should of said, but nonetheless, the same.....
Hoping I am not alone in my feelings. I suppose most people have similar thoughts at the beginning of a new chapter in their life. Right now, all emotional support comes from my son and friends... And tomorrow is a new day!
Thanks K for helping me, I couldn't write this better than what you just did!
When you first fall in love, its all perfect. that is true. u are unable to see past all the red flags thrown your way early on because 1. you don’t want to be believe it and 2. love is fucking blind as hell. Towards the end- now looking back on the past 2 years, all the signs were there. we were dwindling down to nothing but people who existed together. I was never short on my love however, the wear and tear of the relationship on my heart, mind and body became too much. no more living in this safe environment.
Its weird to think how two people can be so right for each other right off the bat, and allot of "oh I would never be like that" or "I would never do that to you" become daily activities towards the end. its all the things you swore you wouldn’t become, and yet you still do. Lesson learned: If its too good to be true....it probably is. I realize its going to take a very strong person to even attempt to be my other half. As of right now, I am just trying to make myself feel whole again first. This mending and healing crap really takes a toll on your mental state but I think I am doing ok, given the circumstances.
lack of interest in each others interests, at first it seemed like we liked all the same things and enjoyed the majority of the same activities.....but like I said, if it seems too good to be true, it is. Its weird now looking back at how far apart we grew while we were together, something I never noticed until I was forced to look it.
And this whole rollercoaster relationship business......never again. if its over, its over. there’s no sense in going back and trying to make it work a 2nd, 3rd, or 76th time. chances are, if it didn’t work once....it probably wont work again.
Why is it so hard to believe that people can be happy with each other all of their lives? why is it so hard to actually still enjoy the company of a person after several years together? how hard is it to suck up your pride and say how sorry you are once in a while? true love exists. I am witness. I have set my standards, I will not settle for anything short of spectacular. in the words of Bridget Jones "I am still looking for something more extraordinary then that". and its true, don’t settle for less....life is too short to not be happy with the person you chose to take along life’s road. (Hey, all this saved up words of wisdom from other people are really making sense now.)
The dating world scares the crap out of me. I don’t think ill be very good at it, nor am I looking to try. I have decided to put myself first. That's why just close encounters or hit and run.
Everyone has to start over sometime, some sooner then they expected. I think God is looking out for all of our best interests, and I just have to trust him on this one.
This is all so sad, and tears are soon to follow as I read this again. I need to write some of this out and remind myself that I am going to be ok. eventually. I am alone in a city where I don't want to be most of the time and I am scared to stay alone but I’m doing it. but maybe its what I needed. - like true people who start over do- and doing exactly that. starting over.
As sad/mad/angry/confused as I am now......the majority of my relationship was filled with a lot of love and laughter (I am big on laughing). Its going to be hard to get over this. but I will. so I still have a lot of life to live. And as soon as I can take this band-aid off my heart, ill be good to go.
its like what my mom says after I puke and want water (the one thing u SHOULD NOT have right after u puke) and she wont give it to me, when she gives in she says, "baby sips!" when all I want to do is just gulp it down - its just like that.....a little more graphic then I should of said, but nonetheless, the same.....
Hoping I am not alone in my feelings. I suppose most people have similar thoughts at the beginning of a new chapter in their life. Right now, all emotional support comes from my son and friends... And tomorrow is a new day!
Thanks K for helping me, I couldn't write this better than what you just did!
Humans are big chamaleons
What now!?
The magic is lost. What's next?
"No one falls in love by choice, its by CHANCE. No one stays in love by chance, it 's by WORK. And no one falls out of love by chance, it is by CHOICE"
Oh well, here I’m…
I fell in love, really in love. But she decided to walk away, I don’t understand any of this, but she should have a good reason. Everything was great, I mean the whole thing was kind of weird (If you ever fell in love for somebody‘s personality you would know what I‘m talking about). I met her online, long story short; the first time we talked, we stayed on the phone for hours, her voice and her incredible personality make me fall right away. Then I met her and my heart dropped the first time I saw her pretty eyes. From that day I committed myself to make her happy, because after all what is love? Work everyday to make happy your significant other, even when sometimes you have to put your happiness on the side, the reward………. She always knew how to make my heart smile. I don’t understand this whole thing, to be honest I don’t understand any, I believe on what she said regardless of how the situation looks like.
Now what I do with all these feelings that I have? when it ended did she feel as lost as me? did she wonder how far we could went? Is she wondering about my feelings as I do about hers?
Last Monday was the last day we talked, and it was one of the longest days of my life, I looked at my phone 20 thousand times to see if in some point she would txt, but I wait and wait and that never happened.
After we talked I started to feel this horrible pain on my chest…. And I know it's not the love that hurts... it's the rejection, heartbreak, loneliness and loss that hurts more than anything! So I went to the doctor (by the way he gave me all kind of crap to forget trazodone, zolof and xanax… like one of those pills would be able to cure my heart, its like a joke how a doctor think that he can be able to cure your heart, just for putting your thoughts to sleep)…. While I was driving I passed by the hotel where she used to stay when she was in town and started to rain in my heart right away. She is leaving… and I don’t know what is worse if leave and miss the people you left behind or stay and keep the memories, places and have to deal with it daily.
We were right for each other but we never work on what we needed to work to make things happen, even when I think on that, I also think that we were fascinated with each other, obsessed with each other, so we never took the time for real life talk….. I always expect an explanation from her of what really happened and how could I get one when she didn’t know what she wanted….. I think in some point she realized that we had different thoughts and different expectations about life and that shake her floor really bad to the point that it was easier to walk away with several excuses instead of try to work on it (I wonder if she thought that she was losing her freedom). There is a lot of things that she didn’t like about me, I mean nobody walk away from a relationship the way that she did for a movie thing or a family thing. And yeah it was some things I didn’t like about her but we didn’t have too much time to spend together so we never really wanted to get into serious talk when it was easy to have just fun and keep going. We had a big issue communicating with each other, now that I see it from outside, she always needed somebody else’s thoughts before she made a decision about our relationship. I’m pretty simple I just want to be happy like everybody else in life and I did picture mine with her, but I guess she still needs some grow to do. Even when I’m not the type of person who plan every step I do have my goals in life…. Come on, I have a little one it couldn’t be any other way. I do a lot of things by impulse but trivial things…. She wanted a lot of things out life as well but her plans I guess are plans in a long term, I will never going to be able to fit on her present.. We was just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl. I learned a lot out of this; I’m very stubborn, I never reconsider a NO and I take all the blame on that, every time she mention something that she was upset about it (concerning my personality), I always tried to fix it. But sometimes doesn’t matter what you do is never enough, and I go back to the communication thing and why not but the last 2 weeks before we broke up she not even talked about important stuff anymore. She was confused about things but unfortunally we never talked about it. She treated me better than anybody before, even when she doesn’t feel that way. We laughed until we had to cry we loved right down to our last goodbye but over the years we'll smile and recall that for just one moment we had it all.
I tried to do everything different this time, but even like that it didn’t work…. A friend yesterday said you did everything different that you did on your past relationship because that one didn’t work, but that don’t mean that this one would work because you a dealing with 2 different personalities, 2 different people with different expectations. And she is so right.
She also said, I was ready to give her everything but she wasn’t, because even when the “ex” was still around I had move on from that, I mean I couldn’t control her actions but I did react the best I could to keep her away. But she never got over that (excuse or not), I take 100% of the responsibility on that… I did start everything wrong.
I also think that when you have bad experiences on your past relationships you think that you don’t deserve any better and you drag your pain into your new relationship to keep away this new love.
While I’m writing this blog, I had looked at my phone 100 times already. Such a loser.
Everything happens for a reason....But god didn't give me a reason for the best thing that has ever happened to me to just slip away like it did..
In this past three weeks we hurt each other a lot, out of anger, confusion, miscommunication but I never going to think that was lack of love. I don’t think that somebody can be so kind and sweet without having any feelings involved. There is just something that didn’t work.
I just check in my purse for my lighter and I found a note that she left there while ago, so like I said before I refuse to think that this whole thing has to do with lack of love….
Its funny but I’m really not alone she thinks that she left but I’m still find her smoking a memory with me in my car. this morning I drank a coffee with her absence, then I kissed her neck on her empty space. I also keep singing songs to the air. This is crazy…. We were insane.
She is alone, she stayed with me, she never left with her. We are not where our body is we are where we are missed and she is so missed in here.
A week ago she told me about a song that she likes, Till summer comes around by Keith Urban. The lyrics is something like this….. You had to go, I understand,, But you promised you'd be back again, And so I wonder round this town, Till summer comes around. And I count the days till you just might come back.
It’s a sad song, even more when I know that summer will never come around. All what I have now it’s the hope that she will figure some day what happened and sit with me and finally have an adult talk.
Regardless of weather I am happy or sad, lonely or content. I only think of her.
She may never read this blog, But it feels good to be able to express my feelings on some way.
Now I know it wasn’t me….. I hope one day she falls in love the way that I did for her because I know she was never in love, when you are in love you do whatever it takes to be with the person that you want to be, you don’t just give up. Be in love it’s the best feeling ever when you think that the other person feels the same. I hope one day she find the right person who makes her feel real butterflies in her heart! There is a saying in Spanish….. She will love other people the way that she loved me, but nobody is going to love her the way that I loved her!
I’m grateful of all she did for me. I will always be……. I want to get over this, but for now forget is an attempt that I don’t want so much, because for more that I try I remember much more. And I have come to suspect that in my desire for not remember is what has me sick with memories.
How I wish she were here.
It’s cold outside but I need go for a ride, is not my fault if all of her laughter and all the roses I gave her are coming with me.
There is no greater pain than to have someone you love push you away!
The magic is lost. What's next?
"No one falls in love by choice, its by CHANCE. No one stays in love by chance, it 's by WORK. And no one falls out of love by chance, it is by CHOICE"
Oh well, here I’m…
I fell in love, really in love. But she decided to walk away, I don’t understand any of this, but she should have a good reason. Everything was great, I mean the whole thing was kind of weird (If you ever fell in love for somebody‘s personality you would know what I‘m talking about). I met her online, long story short; the first time we talked, we stayed on the phone for hours, her voice and her incredible personality make me fall right away. Then I met her and my heart dropped the first time I saw her pretty eyes. From that day I committed myself to make her happy, because after all what is love? Work everyday to make happy your significant other, even when sometimes you have to put your happiness on the side, the reward………. She always knew how to make my heart smile. I don’t understand this whole thing, to be honest I don’t understand any, I believe on what she said regardless of how the situation looks like.
Now what I do with all these feelings that I have? when it ended did she feel as lost as me? did she wonder how far we could went? Is she wondering about my feelings as I do about hers?
Last Monday was the last day we talked, and it was one of the longest days of my life, I looked at my phone 20 thousand times to see if in some point she would txt, but I wait and wait and that never happened.
After we talked I started to feel this horrible pain on my chest…. And I know it's not the love that hurts... it's the rejection, heartbreak, loneliness and loss that hurts more than anything! So I went to the doctor (by the way he gave me all kind of crap to forget trazodone, zolof and xanax… like one of those pills would be able to cure my heart, its like a joke how a doctor think that he can be able to cure your heart, just for putting your thoughts to sleep)…. While I was driving I passed by the hotel where she used to stay when she was in town and started to rain in my heart right away. She is leaving… and I don’t know what is worse if leave and miss the people you left behind or stay and keep the memories, places and have to deal with it daily.
We were right for each other but we never work on what we needed to work to make things happen, even when I think on that, I also think that we were fascinated with each other, obsessed with each other, so we never took the time for real life talk….. I always expect an explanation from her of what really happened and how could I get one when she didn’t know what she wanted….. I think in some point she realized that we had different thoughts and different expectations about life and that shake her floor really bad to the point that it was easier to walk away with several excuses instead of try to work on it (I wonder if she thought that she was losing her freedom). There is a lot of things that she didn’t like about me, I mean nobody walk away from a relationship the way that she did for a movie thing or a family thing. And yeah it was some things I didn’t like about her but we didn’t have too much time to spend together so we never really wanted to get into serious talk when it was easy to have just fun and keep going. We had a big issue communicating with each other, now that I see it from outside, she always needed somebody else’s thoughts before she made a decision about our relationship. I’m pretty simple I just want to be happy like everybody else in life and I did picture mine with her, but I guess she still needs some grow to do. Even when I’m not the type of person who plan every step I do have my goals in life…. Come on, I have a little one it couldn’t be any other way. I do a lot of things by impulse but trivial things…. She wanted a lot of things out life as well but her plans I guess are plans in a long term, I will never going to be able to fit on her present.. We was just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl. I learned a lot out of this; I’m very stubborn, I never reconsider a NO and I take all the blame on that, every time she mention something that she was upset about it (concerning my personality), I always tried to fix it. But sometimes doesn’t matter what you do is never enough, and I go back to the communication thing and why not but the last 2 weeks before we broke up she not even talked about important stuff anymore. She was confused about things but unfortunally we never talked about it. She treated me better than anybody before, even when she doesn’t feel that way. We laughed until we had to cry we loved right down to our last goodbye but over the years we'll smile and recall that for just one moment we had it all.
I tried to do everything different this time, but even like that it didn’t work…. A friend yesterday said you did everything different that you did on your past relationship because that one didn’t work, but that don’t mean that this one would work because you a dealing with 2 different personalities, 2 different people with different expectations. And she is so right.
She also said, I was ready to give her everything but she wasn’t, because even when the “ex” was still around I had move on from that, I mean I couldn’t control her actions but I did react the best I could to keep her away. But she never got over that (excuse or not), I take 100% of the responsibility on that… I did start everything wrong.
I also think that when you have bad experiences on your past relationships you think that you don’t deserve any better and you drag your pain into your new relationship to keep away this new love.
While I’m writing this blog, I had looked at my phone 100 times already. Such a loser.
Everything happens for a reason....But god didn't give me a reason for the best thing that has ever happened to me to just slip away like it did..
In this past three weeks we hurt each other a lot, out of anger, confusion, miscommunication but I never going to think that was lack of love. I don’t think that somebody can be so kind and sweet without having any feelings involved. There is just something that didn’t work.
I just check in my purse for my lighter and I found a note that she left there while ago, so like I said before I refuse to think that this whole thing has to do with lack of love….
Its funny but I’m really not alone she thinks that she left but I’m still find her smoking a memory with me in my car. this morning I drank a coffee with her absence, then I kissed her neck on her empty space. I also keep singing songs to the air. This is crazy…. We were insane.
She is alone, she stayed with me, she never left with her. We are not where our body is we are where we are missed and she is so missed in here.
A week ago she told me about a song that she likes, Till summer comes around by Keith Urban. The lyrics is something like this….. You had to go, I understand,, But you promised you'd be back again, And so I wonder round this town, Till summer comes around. And I count the days till you just might come back.
It’s a sad song, even more when I know that summer will never come around. All what I have now it’s the hope that she will figure some day what happened and sit with me and finally have an adult talk.
Regardless of weather I am happy or sad, lonely or content. I only think of her.
She may never read this blog, But it feels good to be able to express my feelings on some way.
Now I know it wasn’t me….. I hope one day she falls in love the way that I did for her because I know she was never in love, when you are in love you do whatever it takes to be with the person that you want to be, you don’t just give up. Be in love it’s the best feeling ever when you think that the other person feels the same. I hope one day she find the right person who makes her feel real butterflies in her heart! There is a saying in Spanish….. She will love other people the way that she loved me, but nobody is going to love her the way that I loved her!
I’m grateful of all she did for me. I will always be……. I want to get over this, but for now forget is an attempt that I don’t want so much, because for more that I try I remember much more. And I have come to suspect that in my desire for not remember is what has me sick with memories.
How I wish she were here.
It’s cold outside but I need go for a ride, is not my fault if all of her laughter and all the roses I gave her are coming with me.
There is no greater pain than to have someone you love push you away!
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Thoughts...
We are living in a beautiful place,named Earth. Of course our existence here consists not only of material things, but spiritual too. A lot of thoughts are visiting me from time to time, about humans, our hidden power, nature, our relationships with each other and our planet, but today I want to talk to you and I hope that you'll hear me.
Now we have a tough time, I mean we as humans and tough time is for disasters which happens all over the world. Didn't you think about it at least one time in your life, sure you did! Don't you think about what happens now, why it happens and who is culpable? How we can help ourselves to solve these problems and should we do anything?
Nowadays or planet suffers from lots of disasters, I've picked only one, but so much powerful and destructive, that nobody solved it yet. I am talking about Oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. You can see bunches of articles on this topic every morning on internet or in your favorite newspaper but what all of them say? I've rad some of them and feel myself disappointed. Are we talking about something profound or we are just chatting around and trying to put the responsibility on to others. Politicians astonish me every time when they are trying to find a "solution" and not lose money. They are always failed at this point. We are people, we are connected and we should be aware not about money but about environment, not only because we must leave all this wonderful creatures for next generations, but also for ourselves.
Now, after about a month after catastrophe I see nothing but horror. As for me, we should take all responsibility and show our government that we care!
Here what I've red in a Fox news.
Hazen cities the aftermath of the Amoco Cadiz and the Exxon Valdez disasters, two spills where chemical detergents led to ecological problems. In 1978, the oil tanker Amoco Cadiz split in two three miles off the coast of Normandy, releasing about 227,000 tons heavy crude oil that ultimately stained nearly 200 miles of coastline. The spill site was so large that only the areas of greatest economic impact were treated with detergents. Large areas in the more remote parts of the coast went untreated.
"The untreated coastal areas were fully recovered within five years of the Amoco Cadiz spill," says Hazen. "As for the treated areas, ecological studies show that 30 years later, those areas still have not recovered."
I have a scene that we are killing our planet and if we wouldn't stop it right now, then we wouldn't have anything to cure, because we will lose it.
SO people, get together, volunteer, do anything what you can, but don't turn a blind eye on these problem.
Now we have a tough time, I mean we as humans and tough time is for disasters which happens all over the world. Didn't you think about it at least one time in your life, sure you did! Don't you think about what happens now, why it happens and who is culpable? How we can help ourselves to solve these problems and should we do anything?
Nowadays or planet suffers from lots of disasters, I've picked only one, but so much powerful and destructive, that nobody solved it yet. I am talking about Oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. You can see bunches of articles on this topic every morning on internet or in your favorite newspaper but what all of them say? I've rad some of them and feel myself disappointed. Are we talking about something profound or we are just chatting around and trying to put the responsibility on to others. Politicians astonish me every time when they are trying to find a "solution" and not lose money. They are always failed at this point. We are people, we are connected and we should be aware not about money but about environment, not only because we must leave all this wonderful creatures for next generations, but also for ourselves.
Now, after about a month after catastrophe I see nothing but horror. As for me, we should take all responsibility and show our government that we care!
Here what I've red in a Fox news.
Hazen cities the aftermath of the Amoco Cadiz and the Exxon Valdez disasters, two spills where chemical detergents led to ecological problems. In 1978, the oil tanker Amoco Cadiz split in two three miles off the coast of Normandy, releasing about 227,000 tons heavy crude oil that ultimately stained nearly 200 miles of coastline. The spill site was so large that only the areas of greatest economic impact were treated with detergents. Large areas in the more remote parts of the coast went untreated.
"The untreated coastal areas were fully recovered within five years of the Amoco Cadiz spill," says Hazen. "As for the treated areas, ecological studies show that 30 years later, those areas still have not recovered."
I have a scene that we are killing our planet and if we wouldn't stop it right now, then we wouldn't have anything to cure, because we will lose it.
SO people, get together, volunteer, do anything what you can, but don't turn a blind eye on these problem.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
New dimensions
Everytime I am deciding to do something, I'm just keeping it in my mind and doing it. Ofcourse it sounds strange, but when I am thinking too much if I should do this or that finally I'm doing nothing but lying on my bed in depression or lazyness. It have started two years ago I guess, maybe more when I realized that my life is not so interesting, my personal relationships crushed and I'm bored, compeletely bored of everyting. I've tried to do a great bunch of things to fulfill this empty hole inside me thinking everyday about religion, nature, human beings ect. I've also studied at the university, working everywhere I want, but it was not It.
I forgot to mension that all this time my mom have been here in USA, actually in Georgia, waiting for her "little child".
It was February, 2009 when I came to Georgia for vacation and this nice person at the Immigration controll asked me to follow him. Uh, I was embarrased and dissapointed because my flight was terrible because of all this children, teenagers and other screamy-behaviored people around me. So I've been sitting there for a while waiting for my "turn". I need to say that all my documents were all seted up and I didn't do anything wrong. My "mentor" was almost speechless. He told me one thing which I am considering now as a destiny, he said that if I wouldn't stay in USA my Permanent Resident card would be tooked from me and I'll never be able to come. It was not so scary at that moment, but then huge black cloud of fear settled on my poor head. I realized that I can lose my treasure, my mom.
I left my apartement, my friends, my boyfriend, and now I feel released.
Huray!
I forgot to mension that all this time my mom have been here in USA, actually in Georgia, waiting for her "little child".
It was February, 2009 when I came to Georgia for vacation and this nice person at the Immigration controll asked me to follow him. Uh, I was embarrased and dissapointed because my flight was terrible because of all this children, teenagers and other screamy-behaviored people around me. So I've been sitting there for a while waiting for my "turn". I need to say that all my documents were all seted up and I didn't do anything wrong. My "mentor" was almost speechless. He told me one thing which I am considering now as a destiny, he said that if I wouldn't stay in USA my Permanent Resident card would be tooked from me and I'll never be able to come. It was not so scary at that moment, but then huge black cloud of fear settled on my poor head. I realized that I can lose my treasure, my mom.
I left my apartement, my friends, my boyfriend, and now I feel released.
Huray!
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